Fatty, fat, fat...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

~ Miss Piggy

Today someone told me I was fat.

Ok, not in so few words. Actually it was that I am “at the weight where people start to think about losing weight.” and something along the lines of “keep going” because I’ve got a long way to go still. We weren’t even fighting. It was polite conversation… well, until they said that.

You know… It’s just not nice punch someone in public no matter how much they deserve it.

I don’t know why people think that if you’ve got extra padding on your meat suit that it makes verbal bashing bounce off you more easily. We’re all human – and we all hurt the same. I’ve been tiny and huge. I’ve got friends that fit both ends of the spectrum and everywhere between. It’s unacceptable to talk to people like that. I assume these people saying these things are emotionally hurting very deeply or stupid. Not ignorant - like they don’t know to say these things. Nope. They’re stupid.

One of the things I am teaching Reece is that everyone has opinions. They’re not right or wrong. They are just opinions. The problem begins when you don’t believe in yourself long enough to realize others’ opinions are not facts.

The weekend that I decided it was time to start losing weight, my 5-year-old son told his dad on the phone that I was disgusting when I sat down. Reece said I grossed him out. This was something his father was teaching him to say, not something he thought on his own. Even now Reece doesn’t think there are “fat people” in his class. (Fact: Not true. I applaud him for looking past it or being unaware.) I was used to his father telling me I was fat. He hinted at it when we were dating. Then when we got married he constantly said it. It’s completely different when you hear your child say it. My self-image was never that great to begin with, which is why someone like that would be allowed to get that close to me.

This girl 

and this girl

have the same problem: Neither like themselves. But you wouldn’t know from talking to either of them. Yeah, that’s me in both pictures.

Being overweight is not a reflection on your character. It’s a physical manifestation of the food you’re eating and what your body is doing with it. Not stopping to reflect before you open your mouth, saying stupid stuff to others that will hurt their feelings – those are reflections on your character.

I can’t wait until the LC lifestyle becomes mainstream because that will help debunk the myth that people who are heavy are lazy. I am finishing my B.A. – full time college student here. I’m a single mom. I work full time and my commute is like another part time job. That should be enough right there… but it’s not for me! I also have hobbies. I’m passionate about life! I love my son and I want to be involved. I do way more than some “skinny” people I know. The lazy myth just cracks me up and makes me shake my head. 

Maybe it’s that I’m 30 now. I heard that when you turned 30 you would like yourself and feel more comfortable in your skin than you do any younger age. My entire 20s I looked forward to my 30s. I don’t necessarily think it’s the years (turning 30), but the amount of time you spend getting over hurdles that are of varying difficulty. Basically, proving yourself  to yourself. I’ve always known I have incredible inner fortitude. I’ve been through some crap and I respect myself a lot more for it. I used to look at those high school pictures and wish I looked the same.

I’ve got news for you. I don’t want to be that girl ever again.

In high school I used to get so angry looking in the mirror because I thought I was ugly. I cried when I would be forced to go off my low-fat diet (and lash out at others for full fat dressing – really). I hid my body in baggy clothes because I was embarrassed of my figure. I pretended I didn't care what others thought, but people and their opinions still got to me. I attempted to contort myself into someone I thought others would like outwardly, while still trying to maintain some resemblance of myself inwardly. It’s a tightrope act. No one makes it out of that alive. When I was younger every accomplishment made me feel empty because I was chasing someone else’s approval. It never came. I ended up in some horrible relationships and situations because of it.

It is true you have to love yourself first. The difference is night and day. I like who I am now. Even now I am working on loving myself more. I am proud of myself and the things I’ve done. I dress better now and show off my curves because I’m hot. I see a pretty face when I look in the mirror. It’s nice to be found attractive, but its amazing to feel good about yourself without others telling you that. I think I’m nicer now to others because I really don’t care what others think. I treat others like I would treat myself - with love. I respect myself, and now others do too. Today it’s easier to walk away from other people’s opinions. Because that’s just what I did when that person said that. I walked away.

I don’t put up with that anymore.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!!

One of my resolutions is to blog more often. Like most resolutions people make, I’m not sure this is going to work out. It’s more like a wish at this point. Really, I’m just aiming for the first couple weeks. I have a chance it might be habit by then. Good luck to all of us!

One of the first things I’d like to talk about was a comment I had made during my speech about eating upwards of 5000 calories in a day. This has been bothering me.  A lot.

Right now my calorie range is around 2,500 to 2,800 calories; I’m guessing. The last time I put food into a food log was probably last summer. I’m really not interested in tracking my intake. To me, calories don’t matter. They never have. Counting calories did not work before so I don’t know why it would now. I don’t have the willpower to starve myself. I can’t function hungry. I am doing this for life, so I refuse to starve myself for life. Besides, is it really a life worth living without things like low-carb cheesecake and bacon?!?!?!

One of the things that I fantasized about when I started losing weight through low carb eating was that I would be THAT GIRL who eats whatever she wants and still stays thin. At least, I wanted to appear like I ate anything I wanted. With the rest of the world eating low fat/high carb, watching me eat I do look like I eat what I want. Most days I eat eggs, bacon, and sausage for breakfast. On Saturdays I have steak and eggs (with broccoli drenched in butter). On weekdays I drink coffee in the morning, as is standard for the people in my industry. Lunch and dinner vary but are high fat containing (and filling!). I like the looks people give me as I eat breakfast because I feel like they’re waiting for my arteries to explode in front of their eyes… or maybe my pants will burst open like a certain commercial. I keep eating that way, and I keep getting smaller. So the joke is on them!

In the beginning two weeks of eating I did track my food. I did not know what was low-carb and what wasn’t. I had an idea, but you need to be that specific when learning a new skill. Eating and cooking this way is a skill. Sometimes you have to go back to basics (like learning basic English in college). There were some days I was surprised that I ingested something that had more carbs than I wanted to eat. I had to learn how some foods were packaged and what slowed my weight loss down. I was shocked when a few of those days in the beginning I had ate 5000 calories. I swore the number was wrong or that I input more servings than I had consumed.

But it was right. I felt a little ashamed, and the next day vindicated. Derek had been worried about me eating low carb for health reasons. He was also concerned it wasn't going to work. (He is now one of my biggest supporter and really believes this works.) I was very overweight in the beginning. I am sure anytime you see someone stuffing their face like the world is going to end it can seem scary no matter their weight. It felt like I was on a see-food diet (see it and eat it). I felt like I was starving. Derek had never seen me eat so voraciously. Those days I ate that much, most of the calories were fat (1 g = 9 calories). The next day after eating so much, I lost usually around 3 lbs (for the day). One day I lost 7 lbs! That’s when the light bulb clicked in my head. That’s when I realized calories don’t matter.

I have read/heard that it’s not “you are what you eat.” It’s “you are what you do with what you eat.” I think that my body had been starving for proper nutrition for a long time. If insulin is circulating in your body heavily (you can tell it is if you have extra fat that is unwanted hanging around) then it’s hard for you to get the right nutrients to your body. You need to eat when you're hungry when you're low carb. There is a reason your body is telling you to eat, no matter what plan your on. It's not proper to ignore the call of food. When I ignored the angry-belly call, I didn't lose weight. When I tried to curb eating and set my fork down early, I didn't lose weight. It's when I ate until I was comfortably full that I lost the most weight. This remains true today. Eat at night before bed, wake up and eat, snack and then eat huge meals... I still ignore the standard rules of when to eat and when not to eat that conventional wisdom tells us.

My rules? If you are hungry eat. Eat lots of fat.

Holiday weight gain... and the reverse. (and a bit of a rant)

Thanksgiving! Christmas! Holidays! I can’t wait! I made an entire meal plan last year and I kept the recipes just for these occasions. The kids were at the house this year. Up until last Thursday, my son has been begging for Thanksgiving to come sooner; all of his favorite foods at the same time in one spot! He even loves the leftovers and the meals that go with them. Of course the menu is low-carb and decadent. Pumpkin cheesecake, Sausage stuffing, Maple-brined turkey with gravy, green beans with portabella mushrooms, roasted sweet potatoes, and the list goes on… And yes, I ate until I was full. I didn't feel the urge to overeat. And I actually lost about 3 lbs this past weekend.

One thing is missing from my holiday menu: Guilt. I no longer know the meaning when it comes to my weight or food. This is especially true after the holidays. I promise to not worry about the scale, not even a little bit. My holiday wish is the same for you. In fact, like last year, I expect to lose weight during the holidays. You see, there is a swimsuit related event planned around Christmas. My biggest issue right now is - Do I order a swim suit in a smaller size than I am in now or do I buy one in the size I'm at now? Tough choices. I've lost so much weight the swimsuit I had no longer fits. Wearing it puts me in danger of flashing the entire world - and this is a family friendly event! (Either way I need a new swimsuit.)

I changed my lifestyle almost 2 years ago (March 2009), and last year the holiday season was no different than the rest of the year. I ate what I liked, left out the carbs that made me feel horrible, and lost more weight. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to buy new clothes because I had lost so much weight I couldn’t fit into my old ones. My resolutions have had nothing to do with losing weight, or adding exercise. I have planned another large shopping trip for January of 2011.

There really is nothing psychological about weight loss, except for deciding it’s a lifestyle change. After that, it’s a cakewalk. For me it was a low-carb cheesecake-walk. If it’s true most people regain the weight, perhaps it’s because biologically they are on the wrong path. I feel like the extra energy, the better quality sleep, the satiety hours after eating, the lifted brain fog are all enough reason to stay with your low-carb life style.

When I eat, I don’t get hungry for at least another 6 hours, sometimes more. I don’t obsess about food and I am not OCD about meal plans anymore. (Although, I still love to cook and make menus, now I don't worry if plans change.) I have the flexibility to eat where and when I want. I eat until I’m full and stop when I get there. I cannot think of one time in the past year where I’ve had so much that I felt uncomfortably stuffed. I do not feel like I’m starving or food is scarce. Biologically, it’s ok for me to shed fat because times are good. Food and I are friends now, accomplices if you will, not frenemies. Unless I’m talking to someone else who is low-carb, or naturally thin, I rarely hear the same thing when it comes to food.

Why can’t we just stop focusing on the fat? Why are we so obsessed? Is it the carb-crazies that makes us OCD about anything surrounding food? Why in one of the countries with the larges amount of surplus of food do we constantly worry about where our next meal is going to be coming from? Do you think everyone in the world is obsessed about counting calories? Does your skinny friend do that? Then why should you? I certainly don’t. Another thing I don’t do is eat a dessert and end up on the treadmill or elliptical for hours. I do not understand punishing yourself for being human.

What I am saying is find a lifestyle that you can live with so that you’re not constantly berating yourself for your choices. If you want to lose weight, I’m with you. (And if you don’t want to lose weight, I respect that choice too.) I have yet to figure out exactly why people think losing weight is difficult and is supposed to be so hard. From what I can gather, it’s because of that puritanical view to criticize yourself for anything slightly hedonistic, to include food. “If it’s good for you, it must be bad.” I just don’t believe it’s supposed to be like that. Ask the French… and while you’re at it, check their waistlines.

I’ve heard a tall tale that children hate vegetables and are picky eaters. My son hates celery, mushrooms, some peppers (depends on how they are cooked and how visible they are) and olives. That’s pretty much it. He loves broccoli, carrots, peas, spinach, squash, sweet potatoes, dill pickles, spinach, asparagus if it's cooked right (and many, many other vegetables). He also loves macadamia nuts, eggs, coconut oil, full fat yogurt, cheese and milk, steak, bacon, turkey, fish… you get the point. I’m not going to make him feel tortured when it’s time to eat. I eat what I like, and so does he. There are no fights at the kitchen table over food. He always tells me I'm the best cook. I assume that's partially because Derek likes my cooking and always tells me that too. I do hear the occasional grumble prior to an initial taste if it “looks weird.” After that first bite my kid is usually on board with me – taste trumps looks always. Good smells increase the happiness. I don’t deprive his body of nutrition or make him feel bad about his choices… now there is a way to mess him up psychologically!

Please, please; do yourself a favor this holiday season - practice the same kindness towards yourself as you do your loved ones. For some people this will be a stretch... for those of you with less than kind relationships with your loved ones, um... How about we all try to treat ourselves like we are deserving of love? That's really where it all starts. If you slip up and you don't eat right, look yourself in the eye, say some kind words and start over again. Don't give yourself an excuse to fail - this is your life!

It's almost December, and I will still make cookies from the leftover mashed sweet potatoes for the boys. I really don't care about sweets; I'm a savory/salty gal. This past weekend I made myself some stuffed mushrooms as my treat. Although I think Derek likes them more than I do. I'll also make some jalapeno poppers for me, since I'm the only person who likes them. I will spend time cooking with my son and Derek making something for the entire family that is delicious. (Dinners made together and watching a Netflicks movie are actually my favorite date nights right now.)

And for my present? Serve yourself something special just for you - minus the guilt - too.

Normal day of eating...

First post... here we go.

I had a lot of questions concerning what I eat in a normal day. The problem with that is the definition of "normal" and what that means in my life. I don't have normal days. I am super busy and I consider myself somewhat of a modern forager. I look through my kitchen and my environment for food. When I said I eat up to 70 - 80% fat it was after looking through my fitday journal (which I'm not very consistent with entering things).

My breakfasts usually consists of 3 eggs scrambled with shredded cheese and some spices. Oh and at least a tbsp of butter. Sometimes I put leftover meat and veggies in there to change it up. (I've also put leftover meat dip in there too. yum!) I like that because I can take it to work in a container and heat it in the microwave. I also like leftovers for breakfast. For a while I would take hard boiled eggs to work with (cold) bacon. After seeing me do that for a week straight, my co-worker commented that I was going to die. That made me laugh.

If we're going out to eat for lunch (which happens way more than I would like) I always check the menu online and decide before we go what I'll have. For fast food I'll usually have a bacon cheeseburger minus the bun. In the cafeteria I just have meat (like roasted chicken) and something like broccoli with butter or a side salad with ranch. I've also made a huge chef salad. If I bring lunch it's simple like leftovers, or a tuna salad (with added sardines and extra mayo) with veggies to scoop it out (no need for utensils!).

I really like to cook so it's different every time with dinner. One of my favorite dinners that I can think of would be the one I made in honor of the swine flu "epidemic." We had pork chops that were rolled in crushed pork rinds and pan fried in lard. That had a side of either green beans, garlic and mushrooms or broccoli. Usually I cook vegetables (and sometimes meat) in a 1:1 ratio of butter and coconut oil. Anytime something calls for breadcrumbs or crushed crackers I use pork rinds. I like stirfry, one dish meals, and I like to makeover recipes that I see in magazines. When we eat at home for dinner everyone eats low-carb - including Derek and my son.

Everyone drinks tons of water. We have a pitcher out on the counter of filtered water. I used to drink 1 diet pop a week as a treat, but I've given that up. It was making me crave sweets.


Standard snacks in our house are pepperoni and string cheese, deviled eggs, olives, or dip and vegetables. I also like macadamia nuts. I've made some jalapeno poppers I really love. If I want dessert I go for warmed up cream cheese mixed with some flavoring (like white chocolate). I also really like to make no-bake cheesecake. (I am guilty of having a piece of that for breakfast once in a while! Shhh! I know that's not the best behavior for someone on a "diet!") :)

I don't know if that all equals out to 70 - 80% (I didn't run it through fitday). I usually don't need a snack and I don't always eat dessert (once or twice a week maybe?). My biggest meal is dinner. On the days I'm ravenous I load up on the fat as much as I can. I try to make 1 casserole a week, and at least one snack. That usually allows for leftovers and snacks. I love my slow-cooker and all of my recipe books. This really is an easy way to live, because it fits even with busy schedules.